Working at finding Work

Wow looking for work is a complex mind machine. Shame-Hope-Shame-Hope....

There are these moments where I am happy cleaning, making food, organizing stuff, and relaxing and reading a book. There are moments where I get excited as I apply for a job, thinking this one would be great.

If I am not job hunting there is a little voice says, "You should be contributing to society-you bum." So I anxoiusly fill out long complex job applications, send emails, make phone calls, then stare at Indeed.com like some job is going to pop up off the internet.

I think job hunting it is kind of like dating or better yet so much like me as a kid waiting to be picked for a sports team.

I can feel myself standing on the side lines, staring at the kids picking teams. thinking..me next, me next, me next.. I feel myself watching as each kid runs over and stands proud breathing out. I just continue hoping to be picked at the very least before the kid with the care aid.


I do want to be part of a working team. I feel a kind of shame in not working or raising children. Like the whole world is at a party and I am waiting here at home.

Many students that graduated seem to have picked up jobs right away with out even a job interview So I wonder, am I not trying hard enough?

Am I a grown up?