Without a mirror what do I look like?

I read a quote, “To find yourself, go back to when you were not lost”. …hmm perhaps I have had moments of feeling found but never truly being joyful about where I am. I have always been restless searching for the next moment of joy or pleasure. Does that make it difficult to really know and love something/someone if I am flittering around always looking or the next good thing?

I would like to go deeper into the idea of love or rather addiction. When we are some new lover you are so cherished. You are a mirror of something lovely.  Maybe if one meditates on something beautiful you can also hold that beauty in your heart as if it is you; I guess that is how Buddhism works. Maybe that is why I am drawn to it. But what is the me that is beyond the mirror the me that is in the quiet where no images project in telling me how I feel.  What if there is nothing shining into my eyes. Can love grow inside in the darkness?

Perhaps that is where I dwell. I will go there and meet myself.